Now that's what I can a bike race!

Could you have really asked for anything more entertaining in the great wide world of professional cycling than this year's Tour De France? GAWD! It was awesome... The surprise "ban" announcement just prior to the start opened the field to unlikely competitors for the yellow jersey, the early sprints were exciting, a total long shot Oscar Pereiro takes nearly 30 minutes on the yellow jersey in one strategic move strangely unanswered by the peloton, and the alps prove to be nothing but drama. The strategic favourite, and former Lance-a-like Floyd Landis, awaiting hip replacement surgury of all things, finally takes the lead on a gruelling mountain stage, only to completely crumble the very next day, losing the yellow by nearly 10 minutes. Then, of all things, he wakes up the next day and has what some people think was the single greatest day of racing ever on the tour. He charges away from the peloton on the first assent of a ridiculously tough alpine stage, and consumes 70 bottles of water over 5+ hours and 5 monster climbs to come within 30 seconds of getting the yellow back! And as luck would have it - the following stage was a long distance individual time trial and Landis reigned supreme. Crazy. I was up nearly every day sitting on the sofa, playing with Mateo, and explaining to him all of the ins and outs. I think he understood everything. Especially the part about going fast! I am still at a total loss to understand how Landis, after completely shutting down only the day before, could psychologically get himself together and just go out there and say "well, today, I will just get it back." I suppose we could all learn from that one. Vive le Tour!!!

Mainframe Entertainment and Rainmaker Set to Merge

Ah yes... The ole "fake news post." In fact, a favourite past time of mine. Alas, I can't take credit for this barrel of laughs. Although I never reveal my sources, I will say that yes, "the author" has lived in Germany, owned a Ford Explorer, and married a baker. As dreadful a reality as that may seem. And now, the hilarity!

Vancouver Sun Thursday July 20, 2006

Mainframe Entertainment and Rainmaker Set to Merge

Two of Vancouver's film and television studios are set to merge in a move by Rainmaker to consolidate the previous competitors. It is yet unclear what the new entity will be named. Top analysts believe the most likely possibilities to be, Mainmaker, Rainframe, Lamemaker, Moonraker and Jalopy Puddlebum's World of Computery Tricks.

When asked what spurred on the upcoming merger the new CEO of Rainmaker Warren Franklin commented, "We have been growing exponentially in the last couple of years and we really need somewhere to store our bikes and a couple more washrooms. We see the Mainframe facility as an opportunity to fulfill both."

The Mainframe team greets the coming days with excitement and optimism. Rick Mishel, CEO stated on Wednesday in his weekly PodCast, "Hey Buddy! Hey! Where's Johnny Darrell? Johnnyyyyyy! Hey man! He's crazy! Hey Buddy!"

A letter written by Mishel to Franklin also stated, "Hey Buddy! I hope we can manage to keep the Mainframe stock floundering in the lower twenty cent range. Do you know Johnny Darrell? He's crazy! Johnnyyyyyyy! Later Buddy!"

Franklin's only response was, "My god. What have I done?" before pulling a gun out of his bureau drawer and shooting himself in the stomach. The funeral will be held on Sunday at 10:00am at the Sands Funeral Parlor, 3423 Fraser St.

Click here for the real thing.

The Lord of Song...

Ever since I realised I didn't know more than the first verse to "Twinkle Light Star" I have been thinking about how parents sing all these little songs to their kids without ever really stopping to think about it... So I am going to try something a little different. I am going to sing (if you could call my warbling "singing") to Mateo songs of my favourite Canadian song writers! What better way to introduce the little big dude to our culture!? I was humming a Neil Young song yesterday when I recalled this amazing version of Leonard Cohen's "Hallelujah" sung by Jeff Buckley... And I thought why not start with this one! After all Mr. Cohen is my "all time favourite Canadian." One look at this guy and read of his lyrics... Man, amazing.



Now I've heard there was a secret chord
That David played, and it pleased the Lord
But you don't really care for music, do you?
It goes like this
The fourth, the fifth
The minor fall, the major lift
The baffled king composing Hallelujah

Hallelujah
Hallelujah
Hallelujah
Hallelujah

Your faith was strong but you needed proof
You saw her bathing on the roof
Her beauty and the moonlight overthrew her
She tied you
To a kitchen chair
She broke your throne, and she cut your hair
And from your lips she drew the Hallelujah

Hallelujah, Hallelujah
Hallelujah, Hallelujah

You say I took the name in vain
I don't even know the name
But if I did, well really, what's it to you?
There's a blaze of light
In every word
It doesn't matter which you heard
The holy or the broken Hallelujah

Hallelujah, Hallelujah
Hallelujah, Hallelujah

I did my best, it wasn't much
I couldn't feel, so I tried to touch
I've told the truth, I didn't come to fool you
And even though
It all went wrong
I'll stand before the Lord of Song
With nothing on my tongue but Hallelujah

Hallelujah, Hallelujah
Hallelujah, Hallelujah

Bucket

Who in their right mind posts this photo of themselves on the Internet!? Bucket - who the hell do you think you are? Bob and/or Doug MacKenzie? How's it goin' eh? 'Av a few too many Foster's of late? Awe whatever... We're all just jealous that the Bucket is chillaxin' on a surf board in the southern hemisphere aren't we? Well, I for one... That damned Bucket!

Mark Norrie: Third Greatest Human

Due to a recent shipment amounting to 3 kilograms of Groundwork's micro-roasted coffee (Venice Beach, CA) accompanied by 2 extraordinary Cuban cigars and a posh lighter, Mark Norrie, formerly of Los Angeles has been promoted to Third Greatest Human in The Walshman global rankings. It goes without saying that Mr. Norrie has strategically positioned himself well to pull off such an endevour. Speaking from his Sydney, Austrailia penthouse suite Mr. Norrie reflected on the recent move. "The Walshman has always been good to me. I am simply the yin to his yang." It will take some doing to topple him from his new roost. Debate still rages over the subject of the cigars, however, and The Walshman has not yet determined how to best make use of them. Current thinking is to employ the services of EBAY. "Cigars courtesy of the Third Greatest Human."

Vive Le Tour

Ah yes... It is that time of year again when we thank the cycling Gods for gifting whomever at OLN with the clairvoyance to give us such amazing "breakfast coverage" of the greatest race on earth, and the most difficult individual event to won in the world.

VIVE LE TOUR!

With all the hooplah surrounding this year's race (the official retirement of Lance Armstrong, the suspension of nine riders including the #1 and #2 contenders Basso and Ullrich, etc.) it is gonna be a wild ride! Stay tuned!

Celebrate With Socks!

Come on people, get your socks on and give it up for the most beautifully confused country in the world! And remember, real Canadians kiss on the lips!